I’ve felt off lately. Low on energy, sad, discouraged… that familiar cloud of despair that hovers over me every now and then.

This time, I noticed a pattern.

Whenever I start feeling even just a little bit down, I avoid real life and look for ways to feel better. My go-to place? The news. Specifically, an app called Flipboard that compiles all my favorite news, tech, and celebrity magazines in one place.

I had a couple of emotional days at the beginning of July, and I quickly turned to Flipboard to distract myself. Then, I became obsessed with it, checking it so frequently that I ran out of articles to read. I had to close it and hungrily return a few minutes later to refresh and see the 2-3 new posts.

My justification was, “Oh, it’s always good to know what is happening in the world.”…

But now that I think about it… most of the articles that make it onto Flipboard are tragedies, scandals, and precarious situations.

To test my theory, I opened the app and the first article was, “Family of 5 killed while on vacation.”

I made a mental list of the things I’ve been reading the past few weeks… cheating scandals, war threats, car crashes, plane crashes, kidnappings, murders.

I wondered, is this an attempt on my part to feel better about my life? Am I reading these horrible things to find comfort and gratitude in knowing it could have been me, but it wasn’t?

Holy crap. I need to look for comfort and gratitude in other places. This is wrong.

I decided to make an effort this weekend to stop reading Flipboard. Instead, I spent the whole weekend watercoloring. I took my supplies to Omi’s room and painted while he played Witcher 3, Thor snoring in the background.

I still avoided certain parts of life, but found a peaceful, healthy comfort in enjoying time at home with Omi and Thor. I had time to think about how this morbid gratitude trap was ultimately hurting me and keeping me down. I feel recharged.

I’m deleting Flipboard right now.

And getting back to real life. NOW.

Thanks for reading,
Malu

PS: Giveaway! If you’d like to win this majestically professional watercolor painting of some balloons painted with too much water (it’s my own technique I’m developing), leave a comment. I’ll pick a winner randomly and will respond to you in the comments to get your address.

Time heals all wounds… But, all the time in the world will not preemptively heal wounds that have yet to happen.

I’d been putting off writing a particular business related email for a long time. An email where I needed to ask for something, and I was terrified of being rejected.

I wrote about this fear during my Morning Pages and stumbled upon a big realization.

Behold. My morning pages.

Handwriting transcription: “Ugh. I need to get over the fear of inconveniencing people. If people don’t want to do something, especially at that level, they simply won’t do it and they won’t bat an eye. Holy s…unflower. I’m spending weeks agonizing over something that others won’t really be troubled by.”

In this particular case, the company’s answer is not going to change from one week to the next. If it’s going to be a no, it will be a no this week or next month. For them, it’s one more email. For me, it’d been weeks of worrying about how I was going to be perceived.

Something started shifting in my mind. The following morning, I continued exploring.

My fear of rejection diminished when I thought of it as part of a process of elimination, and not an end. The amount of peace I felt in this moment is the reason why I love morning pages. 

Someone could have told me this… In fact, I’m sure somebody has… but, it wasn’t until I “dug” and unearthed this gem for myself that I fully understood it.

Later that morning, I went to a coffee shop and asked the barista for a cappuccino and a piece of paper. 

I sat down to write a list of the points I wanted to be sure to communicate. Referencing that list, I wrote down the first draft of the email.

Doing this on paper and away from the computer was extra helpful. It made me focus on the human side of things, reminding me that we are all, after all, just people. I was able to express all my thoughts honestly and then distill them into a brief, professional email.

I sent it later that day.

I felt good about myself and certain that I’d done the right thing. I no longer felt afraid that rejection would hurt me.

I hereby promise to remind myself the following things:

About Time: Prolonging something out of fear only prolongs my own misery without changing the outcome. It’s better to take action.

About Rejection: Rejection is just part of a process of elimination. YOUR process. And it’s hardly ever personal when it comes to business.

DO NOT make it personal, Malukah. I promise you that high level executives are not writing about you in their morning pages, worrying about how to respond to you.

On the other side of emails sit humans, just like you. They are not scary. Just be concise and respectful.

As I hit send, I hoped I never had to write another email like that again.

And then I had to, about a week later. And it was a hell of a lot easier.

Thanks for reading!
Malu